Story Of My Life...
I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be & I'm only as small as the world will make me seem♥
If there’s one thing that’s kept me consistently ALIVE, it’s you. Every day with you is a blessing. You’re constantly finding ways to just blow me away. I don’t think you’ll ever stop being the most incredible person I’ve ever known. & you’re all MINE! Semi-officially now that we’ve made our 1st investment together!! A brand new mattress! lol It sounds completely ridiculous, but joking around for the past few days about being stuck together for the lifespan of our bed has made me soo ecstatic! It really does feel like a mini commitment, & the fact that you didn’t even hesitate to make it says a lot about us. You even mentioned that you think I’m gonna make an amazing wife one day. That was a 1st. We’ve talked about marriage, but I don’t think you’ve ever verbalized that you really think I’d be right for the part. Every day our love hits a new level. I’m so grateful for you, my sun & stars <3
It’s a sad realization when you notice just how much you’ve grown up. On the one hand, it’s a proud sensation to know that you’re taking the necessary steps in order to secure your future. I WILL make something of myself. That’s a fact. Success is so close I can taste it. Yet, sometimes we have to leave behind things that may have been very dear to us in the past in order to attain that ultimate goal of growth and success.
Like the friends who have been by my side for over a decade… I grew up with them. We’ve partied everywhere together, laughed so hard we thought we’d pee (sometimes we actually may have), gotten each other through the very worst times, been the 1st to hear about the very best things, hated (or at least pretended to) anyone that any one of us was having an issue with, and cried like babies together when the worst news of our young lives arrived. I considered them family. Or at least one of them. Yet, they’ve all chosen a very different path than mine. It doesn’t seem as if I can keep them in my lives because they have yet to grow up & because of that they just don’t understand me anymore. & It isn’t as if I haven’t been trying to level with them, they simply aren’t reciprocating. The friendships seem more troublesome than anything else. It’s become an emotional burden & it’s time to let go because to put it frankly, they’ve really been holding me back. If only my heart could stop being so emotionally invested & listen to the reason of my mind…
Sending you off in white today. Because although we lost a great friend, we all gained an amazing angel. I love you Art <3 (Taken with instagram)
I thought heartbreak was the absolute worst emotional pain a person could experience; How I wish that were really the case. Heartbreak is easy. Finding a reason to be angry with the person who broke your heart is an excellent way to mend the pain. It eventually goes away once you start believing the person isn’t worth your tears, because often times ex boyfriends and girlfriends really aren’t.
The real pain comes when the person really is worth the tears, because there is absolutely nothing they could have ever done to make you angry. Because he was an amazing man, who lived his 23 years to the fullest- bringing light to the lives of all that he crossed. Losing him, is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, on so many levels.
-Because I will never again get to see him smile
-Because the image of his white corpse will forever be imprinted in my mind
-Because realizing just how much of an impact he made on people makes me sad and kind of jealous. I can only pray that I touch that many people’s hearts in my time here.
-Because I’m realizing just how disconnected I am from the world. I had friends reaching out for or extending their comfort to everyone but me. As if I simply wasn’t as close to him as they were so I couldn’t possibly be hurting as much…
-Because I feel betrayed. Not only did my “best friends” leave me feeling abandoned, my boyfriend (who knows better than anyone how much I’m hurting over this) is M.I.A. when I need him the most. All because he’d rather be drunk with his friends.
-Because I’ve never felt more fragile and alone.
Arturo Guzman
The most adventurous/wild/lively/ridiculous/carefree/loving/friendliest guy I know!! You were the one who ALWAYS had a smile on his face. Even better, you did whatever you could to make sure everyone around you was smiling too!
Best memory I will have of you:Thanksgiving 2010. I was fresh out of a 3 year relationship & my parents had gone to Sacramento for the holiday, leaving me behind with no one to celebrate with. You knew the thought of spending Thanksgiving all by myself was KILLING me, so you showed up at my door with Anthony that day. You had a bottle in your hand & asked if I was ready to have a good thanksgiving with you guys! You have NO CLUE what that gesture meant to me.
If there’s one thing you taught me, it’s to remember to tell my friend’s how much I care. You always took it one step further. You had no problem SHOWING us how much you cared. I admired your kind, simple heart. You will be missed, but your memory will forever bring a smile to my heart <3
